Saturday, 13 February 2016

surviving hallucination

I stare... Sometimes it feels as if I am staring at nothingness.. Many vehicles many people are just passing away from my eyesight within a blink of a second.. As if they are those moments which I want to forget completely.. No motion no emotion no compassion no devotion.  Everything is either moving too quickly or my analytical ability is been lowered down by my victorious yet meaningless lust for alcohol. Who denies the ability to see, everyone enjoys the vision but very few of our human race understand the path. May be I am being critic of my own achievements. I tend to deliver my unstructured thought process via some sort of pretended intelligence and fake literary abundance whenever I see something too speedy, something I can not grasp..something I can not predict..something I can just see but can not interpret..
These expensive cars and meaningless headless people around me piss me off to a very greater extent but I have understood how meaningful this meaningless dilemma is when it comes to algebraic counting and aimless hunting for money.
Am I sick of it? Or am I just another loser who couldn't fit in this society? I have no answers.. may be I will get these answers afterlife. 

I have definitely been the victim of alcohol..may be it's an open confession.. But to an extent what I have been through and to what extent I have been living like an asshole, I should thank my substance abuse. That is what kept me away from these... These.. These... Civilized people. No matter how I end up, I have no regrets.

Definitions are not what has been defined..a definition is what something defines..definitions change.. Ofcourse they change..even The Julias César couldn't define his role when it came to quiting the power.. 
"I am julias César ,I don't pray so that someone may forgive me, and i don't forgive if someone prays" 
Forgiveness is not an option when it comes to ruling by your instincts.. 
Bhagwat geeta says "nothing is right or wrong  ..the time the venue the situation decides what is right or wrong" lord Krishna says "MAI WO SAMAY HU JO KAHEGA KYA SAHI HAI AUR KYA GALAT" 
In short "MAI SAMAY HU"..
If this period of my life where I am ready to deny my own existence and I understand that I am a worthless piece of shitt..i don't mind.. I am not the one who can define time..who can Chang time..
I cant even Change the outcome of my deeds.. Only thing in my hand is circumstance.. 
Only thing in our hand is circumstance.. 
U can shake the earth but not the sea..
And this is how i should drown.. 
This is how i end up..
This is how I lack understanding.

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